like following Light
by oh sweet lily beans
Summary: It was like following light, and it was wrong, so wrong. -- Peter/Edmund.
1. Chapter 1

Following Peter, Edmund realized, was like following light, and everyone behind him in the shadows.

Peter the Magnificent, always Peter the Magnificent. And Edmund beneath him, always quiet, always overlooked, and always in love.

--

There was a boy at school who was - well, there were many words to describe him, but they all meant, however crudely, that he fancied boys, but all the boys hated him (_it was wrong_, they said, _so wrong_). Whenever he walked by, Edmund always looked down, always trying to hide the roses blossoming on his cheeks.

That was when Peter pressed his side against Edmund's, kissing the top of his ear. Edmund knew then that he was _that boy_, the boy they would whisper about and ignore and who was wrong, so wrong.

--

The four kings and queens had a meeting with the king of a distant country, Peter at one end of the table, foreign king at the other end, Edmund some number of places to Peter's right. As the king addressed Edmund, or vice versa, Peter turned his eyes to watch his brother; Peter talking, and Edmund diverted his eyes to catch every golden, silken word.

Meeting over (conflict resolved), the small group dispersed: king to his guest quarters, Susan and Lucy to the gardens, Edmund left with Peter. He walked to where the eldest brother now stood. They were quite alone. Hand reaching out to touch coal-black hair, Peter leaned in.

--

Susan and Peter were arguing in whispered voices (hissing tongues) in Peter's room. Edmund heard something about _disgracing the country, hurting your brother_, when he leaned in a bit to far and - softly squeaking - the door opened to reveal Susan, upset, Peter almost below her, and strangely calm.

Susan scoffed and left, looking back, questioning. Peter simply looked at Edmund, who felt his face grow warm. Peter continued to smile at him, and when he finally left, brushed his body against Edmund's side. Edmund was, for the first time in a long time, alone.

--

Edmund thought he always sort of knew he loved him, and that Peter loved him back. But Peter had done nothing but smile, smile at him knowingly, obviously. But once -

Peter had Edmund's body pressed against the wall, his own moving against him (within him). Edmund in the shadows, Peter in the light; golden-white hair fell in his eyes and kisses burnt fire on Edmund's skin, going down, and down, and down...


	2. Chapter 2

Following Edmund, Peter realized, was like following light, and everyone behind him in the shadows.

Edmund the Just, always Edmund the Just. And Peter behind him, always watching, always afraid, and always wrong, so wrong.

--

They tumbled back through the wardrobe, into England, where Peter was no longer Peter the Magnificent, no longer _Peter_ of nights in Edmund's bedroom, but just Peter, the boy who was a good student and a good son and who just happened to be in love with his brother.

He looked at Edmund, receiving a sad, confused look in return, and knew it was ending, knew it was over.

--

They stopped to rest at the water - horses drinking deeply from the crystalline pond - breathing deeply, bringing cold water to hot faces and drinking it like wine.

Peter pulled away, looking around. There were trees surrounding them, sunlight streaming through the maze of branches and leaves. The day was half-over and yet half-lived. They were quite alone, and a refreshing swim didn't sound half-bad.

--

Peter was dreaming of black hair spilling on white pillows, a painting of sin on a backdrop of purity. _Your brother_, his English-mind says, and _your lover_, his Narnia-mind breathes. Upon awakening, Peter realizes, on the floor, that his Narnia-side took control, sheets spread around his body like some sort of enormous, perhaps crooked, halo.

Noticing Edmund is awake, Peter attempts a smile, but receives only a cold stare in return (_so disgusting_, Edmund must be thinking), which freezes his bones and sends chills through his veins. They are in England, he reminds himself, so any evidence, however private, of what they once had, is frowned upon and must be swept under the rug that will soon be sent to the fire. Peter tries not to remember.

--

Peter always knew, knew what he was (a monster) and what his brother was, what his brother felt. Peter tried to suppress any sort of seemingly _disgusting_ action until Narnia, until -

Edmund was kissing him fervently, in the moonlight-sunlight. Peter knew not where he was (wrong or right), only knew feelings and looks and touches. He always knew, of course, that when following light, nothing can be wrong.


End file.
